HamRadio: The Faith-Based Wireless Religion

The Church of HamRadio™ — A Faith-Based Wireless Religion

Welcome, dear initiate, to the Church of HamRadio™. Not to be confused with science or engineering, this sacred tradition is lovingly passed down through hearsay, 40-meter QSOs, and the holy scriptures of that one guy on YouTube who "knows his stuff" because he once made contact with Iceland using a clothes hanger.

The Book of Balun

In the First Epistle to the SWRites, the Apostle of Antennas declared, "Thou shalt place a 1:1 choke at every joint, lest thy coax suffer from impure currents." And lo, the believers did sprinkle ferrites across their shack like holy water, without the faintest clue why.

Each ferrite bead is measured not in ohms but in faith. "Seven turns on a type 31 core brings salvation," they chant—"but nine is holier." Thus began the wire-wrapping arms race. More turns. More beads. More salvation.

Until eventually, diminishing returns set in, and the sacred core began to look like a woolly mammoth of RG-58. But no one dared question. For as it is known: He who doubts the choke shall be plagued with RFI in thine neighbor's Alexa.

Some zealots even choked their speaker cables. Others, their Ethernet cords. And one particularly devout soul placed a ferrite clamp on his garden hose.

"It leaks water," he explained. "And water conducts."

The Gospel of Grounding

"Drive a copper rod into the earth and all will be well," said the prophets. And so it was done, even if the rod was 38 meters from the antenna and connected via a 100-meter extension no brand coax from AliExpress.

"It's for safety," they said. But when pressed for details, they stared into the distance like monks contemplating the infinite, murmuring about "RF drain" and "voltage nulls" without ever actually using a meter.

The Miracles of Resonance

Behold the obsession with resonance! For it is written: "If thy antenna is not resonant, the SWR demons shall consume thy finals." Thus, followers trim their dipoles by the millimeter, tuning them to precisely 14.200 MHz, because everyone knows the propagation gods reward precision.

Never mind that the antenna is 3 meters above a galvanized roof, over wet grass, next to a downspout. The length is righteous. The impedance? A divine mystery.

The End-Fed Scriptures

A voice cried out from the balun: "Lo! The coax shall be thy counterpoise." And the people believed. They added no radials, for the Lord of YouTube said it was balanced by divine resonance.

"What about common mode?" asked the Doubter.

"Heretic!" cried the faithful. "Do not question the matchbox! It is miraculous and divine—blessed be its random impedance!"

The QSL Commandments

1. Thou shalt not run less than 800 watts, lest thou be unheard.
2. Thou shalt believe that an S9 report on FT8 proves antenna excellence.
3. Thou shalt trust coax loss charts, but only until thou can afford LMR-400.
4. Thou shalt never read the Book of Rothammel—for it is thick, terrifying, and written in ancient glyphs known only to German engineers.
5. Thou shalt place chokes on all things conductive—including speaker cables, Ethernet cords, and yes, even the garden hose.
6. Thou shalt believe that low SWR is a sign of divine antenna favor, regardless of efficiency or radiation pattern.
7. Thou shalt accept that coax shields are mystical current sinks ordained by nature.
8. Thou shalt treat any noise heard on 40 meters as undeniable proof of thy neighbor’s solar panels.
9. Thou shalt believe any antenna, once blessed by a YouTuber, outperforms all models in Rothammel.
10. Thou shalt refer to any impedance anomaly as “just common mode” and apply more ferrite until peace returns.

The Scroll of Rothammel

Thou shalt not open the Book of Rothammel unless thou possesseth both a scientific calculator and a strong cup of coffee. For within its pages lie eldritch formulas, indecipherable diagrams, and terms like “Reaktanz” that no mortal dare speak thrice.

It is said that those who read it cover to cover shall ascend to Harec without an exam, purely by osmosis.

But beware—if one attempts to build the antennas inside without proper ritual sacrifice of old coax and burnt solder, the SWR gods shall smite thee with broadband QRN and a cracked PL259.

And lo, the faithful did flip through its pages… and gently placed it back on the shelf, unopened, muttering:
“Yes… that’s for later.”

The Sacred Tools of the Shack

• The Antenna Analyzer: used solely to find 1:1 SWR and then returned to its shrine.
• The Dummy Load: often confused with the neighbor's fence.
• The "Current" Balun: which is neither current nor a balun, but it came pre-wrapped from eBay.
• The BNC-to-PL259-to-N-to-SO239 Adapter Tree: stacked to the ceiling, its purpose lost to history.
• The RF Reflex Hammer: used to tap gear gently while uttering, “It was working yesterday.”
• The Prayer Switch: an unlabeled toggle said to improve reception when flipped with conviction.
• The Coax Moisture Detector: a roll of toilet paper wrapped around connectors to divine leaks.
• The SWR Sand Timer: an hourglass taped to the rig, flipped during every tuning attempt for psychological comfort.
• The Ferrite Rosary: a string of clip-ons, worn during troubleshooting for divine insight.
• The Aluminum Foil Altar Cloth: placed under radios to “drain the static demons.”

The Revival Tent of YouTube

And lo! There came the Influencer, speaking in tongues of "decibels" and "radiation angles," though neither measured nor calculated.

"This wire, blessed by my cat, reaches Japan nightly," he proclaimed. And the likes and subscribes flowed like RF into a ground loop.

Let There Be Noise

In the end, HamRadio is not a science. It's a belief system built on trust, tribal knowledge, and the spiritual quest for low SWR. It's a rich liturgy of anecdote, tradition, and whatever someone once said in the repeater net.

So go forth, brothers and sisters of the airwaves. Wrap thine coax, believe in resonance, and never, ever question the turn count. For the path to enlightenment is narrowband, and the faith is strong.

Amen, and may your seventy-threes be as plentiful as seventy trees—leafy, tangled, and wildly overgrown with hearsay.

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