The Official™ Book of Ham Radio Absolutes

Guaranteed correct in every situation, until it isn’t (which will be immediately).

Welcome, operator, to the sacred temple of Certainty, where every statement begins with “Always” and ends with someone keying up over you to say you’re wrong.

Remember the only law more powerful than physics:
If a ham says “always,” another ham is legally required to reply: “Well, actually…”

And yes, the correct answer is still “it depends.”
But don’t worry...we’re going to say it with enough sarcasm to corrode your PL-259s.

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Absolute #1: “If your SWR isn’t 1:1, your radio will explode.”

Correct. Your finals will detonate, your coax will catch fire, and the FCC will parachute into your yard.

Reality (unfortunately): It depends.

Because:

• Most rigs fold back power instead of going full Hollywood.
• A 1:1 SWR can still mean you’re efficiently radiating...into your attic insulation.
• Some people run wild mismatches for years and the universe is like: “Sure, fine.”

Bonus truth: The SWR meter is basically a ham’s emotional support animal.

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Absolute #2: “A tuner fixes everything.”

Yes. A tuner is basically a licensed magician who turns bad antennas into good ones and makes feedline loss disappear.

Reality: It depends.

A tuner can match impedance at the radio end, but it cannot:

• Cancel physics,
• Turn your rain gutter into a stacked yagi,
• Or convince your HOA that “it’s just a clothesline.”

A tuner is the ham equivalent of adjusting your rearview mirror after your engine falls out.

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Absolute #3: “The best antenna is the biggest antenna.”

Naturally. Bigger is always better. That’s why airports use the biggest airplanes for short trips to the grocery store.

Reality: It depends.

Because “big” doesn’t mean “effective” if:

• It’s too low,
• Installed wrong,
• Or surrounded by enough noise sources to make it a receiving antenna for despair.

Sometimes the best antenna is simply: the one that’s up, safe, and not currently being used as a swing set by a squirrel.

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Absolute #4: “End-fed half-waves are either perfect or they are literal evil.”

End-fed half-wave discourse is a spiritual battlefield where:

• One side claims enlightenment,
• The other side claims arson.

Reality: It depends.

EFHWs can be great. They can also be great at:

• Making your microphone hot,
• Adding RF to your audio,
• Turning your USB cable into a secondary radiator (a feature, apparently).

Add a choke, route the feedline sanely, and suddenly the internet is furious because you solved it.

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Absolute #5: “Verticals are always noisy.”

Yes. Vertical antennas are born noisy. The noise is genetically encoded at the factory.

Reality: It depends.

Noise often comes from:

• Your house,
• Your neighbor’s house,
• The neighbor’s neighbor’s cheap solar inverter from the shadow realm,
• Or your own station wiring doing interpretive dance.

A vertical in a quiet spot can be fantastic. A dipole beside a plasma TV can be a precision noise intake manifold.

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Absolute #6: “My coax is the only real coax.”

Everything else is “basically speaker wire,” says the person who stores coax in a bucket of rainwater “to keep it flexible.”

Reality: It depends.

Coax choice depends on:

• Frequency,
• Length,
• Loss tolerance,
• Flexibility,
• Weather exposure,
• And whether you enjoy re-terminating connectors as a lifestyle.

Also, at 15 feet on 2m, you can use almost anything and the difference is... mostly bragging rights.

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Absolute #7: “Grounding solves all RF issues.”

Yes. Grounding is a universal cure. Simply connect a wire to a rod and whisper “RF” three times.

Reality: It depends.

Because “ground” might mean:

• Safety ground,
• RF ground,
• Lightning bonding,
• Counterpoise,
• Or “a random wire I attached to a screw because I panicked.”

Sometimes the real fix is:

• Bonding,
• Choking common-mode current,
• Rerouting cables,
• Or not feeding your antenna like it’s a science fair tragedy.

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Absolute #8: “QRP is pure. QRO is cheating.”

Correct. Also, running shoes are cheating because walking is purer.

Reality: It depends.

QRP is great when:

• Conditions are good,
• Your antenna is solid,
• You enjoy the sport of being ignored politely.

More power is great when:

• Conditions are garbage,
• You’re fighting noise,
• Or you’d like your signal to arrive this decade.

The only actual “cheating” is claiming 5 watts while your amplifier hums like a refrigerator.

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Absolute #9: “Digital isn’t real radio.”

Yes. Real radio only counts if you suffer enough to feel morally superior.

Reality: It depends.

Digital is still RF. Still propagation. Still antennas. Still interference. Still learning. It’s “not real radio” the same way:

• Fuel injection isn’t “real driving,”
• Or GPS isn’t “real maps,”
• Or modern medicine isn’t “real leeches.”

(Leeches still have a community, though. They’re on 80m.)

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Absolute #10: “There is one correct way to call CQ.”

If you don’t follow The Sacred Script™, the band police will issue a citation.

Reality: It depends.

Calling CQ depends on:

• Mode,
• Culture,
• Band,
• Contest vs ragchew,
• And whether you want to sound like a human or like an automated phone menu.

Just be clear. Say your call. Pause. Repeat.
If someone tells you you’re doing it “wrong,” congratulations: you are now officially on HF.

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Absolute #11: “Height doesn’t matter, it’s all about SWR.”

Yes. Height is irrelevant. That’s why satellites are launched at ground level.

Reality: It depends.

Height matters. A lot. Especially relative to wavelength.
But of course, saying “raise the antenna” is less fun than buying a new balun, so we don’t talk about it.

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Absolute #12: “If you can’t work DX, your station is bad.”

Correct. If you can’t reach Antarctica on a wet string, you should quit and take up stamp collecting.

Reality: It depends.

Sometimes you’re fine and:

• The band is closed,
• The MUF is wrong,
• The path is trash,
• The other station is buried in noise,
• Or the DX is answering only the 1.5 kW guys with towers because... of course.

Propagation doesn’t care about your YouTube tutorial.

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The Only Absolute That Survives

After all the arguments, spreadsheets, and sacred cable charts, we arrive at the one truth that never fails:

The correct answer is “It depends,” and the correct follow-up is “on what?”

On what?

• What band?
• What mode?
• What power?
• What antenna height?
• What environment?
• What noise floor?
• What goal?
• What constraints (space, stealth, budget, HOA, spouse, gravity)?

And then...only then...you’ll get a useful answer.
Which is terrible, honestly, because it means you can’t just buy one more thing and call it “solved.”

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