The Man With the Magical AI Detector
Ah yes… gather round. Today’s Cynic Corner features the legendary hero who bought himself a “paid AI detector” and immediately crowned himself Grand Inquisitor of Artificial Intelligence. Armed with this technological crystal ball, he proudly declares that AI wrote all my articles.
His first triumph? The tool flagged my 1990s theses as AI-generated. The 1990s. Back when “AI” meant your Windows 95 PC asking if you were sure you wanted to shut down.
This detector is so advanced it can detect AI retroactively. Point it at a cave wall and it will swear the mammoth drawings were produced by “GPT-0.00003”.
The Biblical Revelation
For fun, I fed it Job 41. The tool confidently declared the Bible was AI-written. Congratulations to him — he has discovered where God lives… in the cloud. Probably on AWS free tier.
Confusing Intelligence With Indigestion
He truly believes the detector can judge authorship. Meanwhile the tool is basically doing:
“This text is too structured, too technical, too coherent… must be AI!”
By that logic:
- Shakespeare = 98% AI
- NASA papers = 103% AI (overflow condition)
- The instructions on a bottle of shampoo = suspiciously articulate
This thing would probably flag its own instruction manual as “likely GPT-written”.
What AI Detectors Actually Detect
They don’t detect AI. They detect predictability patterns. Which is tech-speak for:
Texts that look smarter than the reader.
No wonder it went off like a smoke alarm.
I Use AI Daily — Shocking, I Know
I use AI every day. Only a fool wouldn’t. It’s the largest knowledge base on Earth. The difference? I use it as a tool — not as an oracle of truth written by the gods of statistics.
My Actual Reply to Him
Hi,
I put three sections of my old theses from the 1990s into your tool… it still flagged them as AI-generated.
Pretty impressive, considering AI didn’t exist in that context back then.
For fun I also tried Job 41 — apparently the Bible is AI-written too. Looks like you’ve figured out where God lives… in the clouds. 😉
73 de ON6URE
Disclaimer: this roast is for entertainment and education. No neurons or decibels were harmed, though a few egos may have taken RF burns.
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